VCPR（罪恶都市）

VCPR是侠盗猎车手：罪恶都市里的一个电台，该电台只有人声并无音乐。

该电台有个叫做紧迫问题（Pressing Issues）的采访节目，该栏目会选择一个特定的问题，由主持人查韦斯·莫里斯（Maurice Chavez）在选定的嘉宾之间进行非正式辩论。根据查韦斯的说法，该栏目在1981年期间或之前就已经开始在某些地方播出。

该电台总时长为86分24秒，共有3个话题，第一个是关于道德（Morality）的议题，持续时长为34分14秒；第二个是感知和积极思考（Perception and Positive Thinking），持续时长为20分38秒；第三个是公共安全（Public Safety），持续时长为31分29秒。（可以用来练听力。）

为提高用户体验，避免过长的语音缓冲时间，语音维基在尽量减小音质损失的情况下将语音文件按照内容手动切分为3段（游戏文件里是连成一整段的。），文件大小控制在了10MB以内。

涉及到的人物简介

人物
姓名	配音演员	简介
Maurice Chavez 莫里斯	Phillip Anthony Rodriguez	VCPR电台上的唯一节目紧迫问题的主持人。是一个退休的小丑和离婚的男人，据说“生活在边缘”，莫里斯接管了这个节目，并让每个人闭嘴。
Jonathan Freeloader 乔纳森	Patrick Olsen	运营VCPR的人之一。之前在一个网络站工作，和他的搭档米歇尔不断为站点乞讨。
Michelle Montanius 米歇尔	Kelly Guest	与乔纳森在VCPR上共事，似乎拥有一种相当冷酷的态度。
Alex Shrub 亚历克斯	Chris Lucas	一个州的代表，利用他的宣传给自己树立一个正面的形象。
Callum Crayshaw 科勒姆	Sean Modica	一个用父亲的钱设立信托基金的年轻人。周游世界，见识过许多文化。希望将其他文化的原则应用到美国，给他们「希望」和「梦想」。
John F. Hickory 约翰	LJ Gansen	一个有反动理想的乡下人。想要将佛罗里达州与美国其他地区分开，以将「局外人」拒之门外。
Pastor Richards 理查兹	David Green	一位受到80年代传教士吉米斯瓦加特启发的反动牧师。理查兹计划建造一座他自己的雕像，并与任何资助这座雕像的人一起将其发射到太空，这样做的原因是为了抛弃那些「道德败坏」的人。
Jan Brown 简	Maureen Sillman	一个重视家庭的保守母亲。她的丈夫不断欺骗她，艰难的过去使她的心智受损，这也让她的孩子们的心智出现问题。
Barry Stark 巴里	Renaud Sebbane	一个「自然主义者」，或者换句话说，就是裸体主义者，来到VCPR向世界讲述穿衣服是多么「邪恶」的行为。
Jenny Louise Crab 珍妮	Mary Birdsong	一个父母被残忍杀害的女人。尽管发生了这样的事件，珍妮似乎保持着乐观的态度。
Konstantinos Smith 史密斯	Konstantinos.com	一个严重抑郁的哥特人，穿着一身黑衣服，经常谈论死亡。对任何事情总是抱有消极的态度，总是做最坏的打算。
Jeremy Robard 杰拉米	Peter Silvestro	一个引导人们积极思考的人，时不时的在节目上插话。

道德

Media:GTAVC_VCPR_Clip01.mp3	Morality. Click to play!
	关于道德的辩论，耗费流量约8MB

涉及到的角色：Maurice Chavez, Pastor Richards, Jan Brown, and Barry Stark

台词列表
讲话者	台词
Maurice 莫里斯	Thank you, guys! So, we are back on Pressing Issues. Just one of the many fine shows you'll hear if you have the patience to listen to public radio. Although, thanks to the many awards we have won, Pressing Issues has extended play time and is the number 1 rated show in the Vice City area. I'm your very entertaining host, Maurice Chavez. A man climbing the broadcasting ladder at a rate of six knots. Six years ago I was a clown, and now I'm a success! Hahaha! Think about it! Imagine where I could be in ten years... I could achieve anything. Anyway, morality. What is it? Why do we need it? Our ancestors, shortly after discovering fire, built tools to beat each other over the head and discovered how to make meat (me?) to celebrate with afterwards. Then, Columbus came over, shut down the pilgrim discos... Why? All very confusing if you ask me, and you did, and I ask myself, "That is a perfect subject for a region-wide discussion show." ...Which is very lucky because I happen to host one. To discuss the subject of morality we have firebrand preacher, Pastor Richards, the head of the Pastor Richards Salvation Statue Organization, a group which plans to raise enough money to build a statue of Pastor Richards himself. We also have Jan Brown, leader of Moms Against Popular Culture, or MAPC... Or is it MAPS... MAPKAY... Uh, I don't know. We're deep in acronym hell right now... Or is it purgatory? And finally, we have Barry Stark, author of the book "As Nature Intended." He's the editor of Vice City's "Naturist News" and is working feverishly, it says here, to bring more nude activities to Vice City. To protect the dignity of our other panelists, we've placed Mr. Barry Stark behind a divider. 谢谢各位！回到我们的紧迫问题栏目。如果您有耐心收听公共广播的话，这将只是您将听到的众多精彩节目之一。只不过，由于我们赢得了许多奖项，紧迫问题栏目播放时间被加长了，并且还成为了罪恶都市地区排名第一的栏目。我是非常有趣的主持人查韦斯·莫里斯。一个人以超快速度爬到广播界高层的人。六年前我还是个小丑，现在我已然是一位成功人士了！哈哈哈！想一下，十年后我又会在哪里呢...我可能会实现任何目标。总之，道德。它是什么？为什么我们需要它？我们的祖先在发现火后不久，就制造了互相打架的工具，并且还发现了如何制作肉（我？）用于庆祝。然后，哥伦布过来了，他关闭了朝圣者的迪斯科舞厅...为什么？如果你问我的话，我会说这一切都非常令人困惑，你们刚好问了我这个问题，然后我发现「这似乎是一个区域性讨论节目的完美主题」...你说巧不巧，我正好是主持这种节目的主持人。为了讨论道德这一主题，我们请来了极具煽动性的传教士理查兹牧师，他是理查兹牧师救世雕像组织的负责人，该组织计划筹集足够的资金来建造理查兹牧师本人的雕像。我们还有简·布朗女士，她是反对流行文化的妈妈们组织简称为MAPC的领导人...或者读作MAPS...MAPKAY...呃，随便啦我也不知道，我们现在正深陷首字母缩略词地狱中...或者说是炼狱？最后，我们还有巴里·斯塔克，他是《如自然所愿》一书的作者，他还是罪恶都市「裸体主义者新闻」的编辑，并且正在狂热地工作中，据他说，他这是为了给罪恶都市带来更多的裸体活动。考虑到保护我们其他嘉宾的尊严，我们决定将巴里·斯塔克先生安置在隔板后面。
Barry 巴里	I'm naked back here! It's my right as a person! 我赤身裸体回到这里啦！这是我作为人的权利！
Maurice 莫里斯	Yes... Let's start with the obvious, yes... Is it moral to be naked? 好吧...我们先从显而易见的谈起...光着身子很道德吗？
Barry 巴里	Yes! You can't stop me! 当然！你可阻止不了我！
Jan 简	Well, I am a mother, so I have to deal with this issue every day. My adorable kids have learned that it's wrong to be naked. When it's bath time, they know to put on a bathing costume. That's... That's also the reason there are no mirrors in my house. Nudity leads to bad, naughty things. 好吧，我是一位母亲，所以我每天都要处理这种问题。我可爱的孩子们都已经知道赤身裸体是不对的了。到了洗澡时间，他们知道要穿上浴袍。这...这也是我家没有镜子的原因。整天光着身子会导致一些不太好的，难缠的问题。
Barry 巴里	Maurice, if I may interrupt, I haven't worn clothes since 1982. Clothes are seriously unnatural. Didn't you guys learn anything from the '60s? I had a revelation when I was in Halle in Germany. I had always felt very constricted. Then it hit me like a slippery fish. Clothes are plain wrong. When you're born you're not wearing any clothes. When you die... you're not wearing any clothes. 莫里斯，请允许我打断一下，我从1982年起就没穿衣服了。衣服是很不自然东西，难道你们没有从60年代学到什么吗？在德国哈雷我得到了一个启示，我过去一直觉得很压抑，而这条启示就像一条打滑的鱼使我备受震撼。衣服这种东西的存在显然是错的。当你出生时，你没有穿任何衣服。在你死的时候...你也不穿衣服。
Maurice 莫里斯	I'm going to have to interrput you there. What if you die at work? What if an enormous piece of machinery falls on you while you're working? 我觉得我必须要打断你了。如果你工作的时候突然死掉了怎么办？或者在你工作的时候一个巨大的机器突然砸到你身上怎么办？
Barry 巴里	Clothes lead to immorality! Nudity stops people from fighting. Have you see an issue of National Geographic lately? People around the world are nude. You don't want to shoot a machine gun or a howitzer or a flamethrower if you're naked. It could burn or scold in quite a personal fashion, quite frankly. Have you been to the zoo? Animals are naked. If everyone were naked, there'd be no war. Everyone's complaining about crime and the theft of cars in the city. No one's ever stolen my car. No one's ever pick-pocketed me. They've never even tried. 衣服只会导致不道德的行为! 而裸体让人们不再打架。你有没有看过最近一期国家地理杂志上的一件事？世界各地的人们都是裸体的。如果你是裸体，你就不会想用机枪或榴弹炮或火焰喷射器射击。坦率地说，它可能会以相当个人化的方式燃烧或责骂。你去过动物园吗？动物都是裸体的。如果每个人都裸体，就不会有战争了。大家都在抱怨城市里的犯罪和汽车被盗。从来没有人偷过我的车，没有人扒窃过我，他们甚至从未尝试过。
Richards 理查兹	That's because you're a degenerate loony. 那是因为你是一个堕落的疯子。
Barry 巴里	If the police were naked, it would set a great example to everyone. You can direct traffic and eat donuts entirely in the buff. 如果警察赤身裸体，会给大家树立一个很好的榜样。你可以完全光着身子指挥交通，以及吃甜甜圈。
Richards 理查兹	Maurice, this kind of immoral behavior is exactly why I'm buildng the Pastor Richards Salvation Statue. Noah hand an ark, Texans had the Alamo, and I am building a highly fortified structure in my image. Simple. This 50 story statue will be able to deflect alpha, gamma, and beta radiation. The day is coming, and coming soon, when the Artificial Suns when rain down to punish the degenerates of this city. But you can save yourself. The Pastor Richards Salvation Statue will be a completely self-sufficient community. We have canned food rations, private living quarters, and enough supplies to survive happily the predicted 40,000 years of nuclear winter. In phase 2, and with funding from NASA, we will equip this massive statue with rockets. So when the poopy hits the proverbial fan, we will load up the statue with all of the people who saved themselves through generous donations, blast into space, and colonize Saturn with a race of morally correct, affluent people ruled by me. 莫里斯，这种不道德的行为正是我建造理查德牧师拯救雕像的原因。诺亚有方舟，德州人有阿拉莫，而我正在以我的形象建造一个高度强化的结构。很简单，这座50层的雕像将能够抵御阿尔法、伽马和贝塔射线。这一天即将到来，而且很快就会到来，届时人造太阳会降下雨来惩罚这个城市的堕落者。但你可以拯救自己。理查兹牧师救世雕像将是一个完全自给自足的社区。我们有罐头食品配给，私人居住区，以及足够的物资，可以在预测的40000年核冬天中快乐地生存。在第二阶段，在美国宇航局的资助下，我们将为这个巨大的雕像配备火箭。因此，当大便落地时，我们将把所有通过慷慨捐赠拯救自己的人装进雕像，轰入太空，用由我统治的道德正确、富裕的人组成的种族殖民土星。
Barry 巴里	Hmm... Will there be naked people? 嗯...那里会有裸体的人吗？
Richards 理查兹	No, turd brain! It's morally corrupt people like you we're shielding ourselves from liberals, degenerates, the Welsh... They're the ones responsible for the nightmare Vice City is today. The crime in the streets, the parties, the children born out of wedlock to a future of hopelessness. Anyone who does not agree with me is mentally sick, and should be shot I'm afraid to say. We need to build a place to escape these transgressions. 不可能，傻狗！我们要抵御的正是像你这样道德败坏的人：自由主义者、堕落者、威尔士人... 是他们造成了罪恶都市今天的噩梦。街上的犯罪，聚会，非婚生子女，让他们的未来充满希望。任何不同意我观点的人都是精神有问题的，我不敢说应该被枪毙。我们需要建立一个地方来逃避这些罪行。
Maurice 莫里斯	Phew... That's extreme stuff, Pastor, but we'll leave amateur eugenics for a moment and ask our other panelists. Jan, you're a mom, so you know everything. What is your thought on all this, and do you think Pastor Richards stole his ideas from a movie or a book? 吁... 这也太极端了，牧师，但我们先暂时不聊你的话题，问问我们的其他嘉宾。简，你是一位母亲，所以你知道一切。你对这一切有什么看法，你认为理查兹牧师的灵感是从电影或书中偷的吗？
Jan 简	Well, yes I am a mom. My kids are very special. So special they go to special classes. Now I teach my kids history to give them perspective. Last night I was telling them about how Magellan sailed around the Strait of Magellan and met some friendly natives that gave him supplies. Um, then he had to kill all of them, and that's an important lesson about life. If you look at nature, you'll see many species that eat their children to protect them. This is especially true of hamsters. It's about putting the family first. That's really important to me, and where a lot of my morality comes from... And if you don't like it, find your own husband and stay away from mine, okay!?!?! 嗯，是的，我是一个母亲。我的孩子非常特别。特别到他们去上特殊的课程。现在，我教我的孩子们历史，给他们提供视角。昨晚我告诉他们麦哲伦是如何环绕麦哲伦海峡航行的，并遇到了一些友好的土著人，他们给了他一些物资。嗯，然后他不得不把他们都杀了，这是一个关于生命的重要教训。如果你看看大自然，你会看到许多物种为了保护他们的孩子而吃掉他们。这一点在仓鼠身上表现得尤为突出。这是关于把家庭放在第一位。这对我来说真的很重要，也是我很多道德感的来源... 如果你不喜欢，就找你自己的丈夫，离我的丈夫远一点，好吗！？
Maurice 莫里斯	Okay... But excuse me if I sound a little confused here, but I don't think I understand. 好吧...但是我听得有点迷糊，我认为我好像没听懂。
Jan 简	Now, my morality comes from looking at history and biology and working out what's best for my kids and screw anyone else. That's what this country's all about. I mean-I mean, I saw the hippies... What a load of claptrap. Wha-What's your kid going to do at a school with a name like Moonbeam or Wave or Horseradish or whatever they call 'em. How can you take your kid to a little league game when you live in a communal farm growing drugs? It's awful! And that's what my life is about: Looking down on others. 现在，我的道德观来自于对历史和生物学的研究，并找出对我的孩子最有利的东西，而不是其他任何人。这就是这个国家的全部内容。我的意思是，我的意思是，我看到那些嬉皮士... 真是一派胡言。如果你的孩子在一个名字叫 "月光"、"波浪"、"辣根"或其他什么名字的学校上学，那他能做什么呢？当你住在一个种植毒品的公共农场时，你又怎么能带你的孩子去看小联盟的比赛？太可怕了！这就是我的生活：一直看不起别人。
Maurice 莫里斯	Yes, I think I can see that now. Moving on. Pastor Richards, in your book you talk about putting yourself first and how people should not make sacrifices or help those in need. Do you want to elaborate?
Richards 理查兹	Oh, that's right! People need to learn how to take care of themselves and not depend on others. If you read chapter 45 of my book, I talk about how being selfish is a virtue. The best thing you can do for someone that needs help is to tell them to help themselves. That builds moral character. Morality, Maurice, there's not much left in this city. Every time a culture has taken on the doctrine of helping your fellow man, we get thrown into the dark ages. Look at Russia! They keep trying to help each other out; extend a hand to a neighbor. And guess what? Every ten years, someone's invading, burning down their homes, and taken their toilet paper. Napoleon, Stalin, Attila the Hun... All of them. After you read my book, you will understand. I may have been born in the sea, but I'm no dummy.
Barry 巴里	Ugh, are we going to talk about being naked?
Maurice 莫里斯	Yes, soon Barry! Eh, keep your hair on and calm down, please my friend. Divorce rates are up, standardized test scores are down, and vampire sitings at the mall... Can the family be safe? ...Or to put it another way: "If we're meant to be monogomous, why weren't we born already married?" Jan, over to you.
Jan 简	Well, since I'm a happily married mother, I know the family unit is the basis of all society. Now, even when my husband is working late, or away on an extended business trip to Hawaii with his secretary, I understand just how important the family unit is in life. He's working hard I can get another station wagon with even more wood on it.
Maurice 莫里斯	Go on. Tell me more about... your family.
Jan 简	Um well, I like to compare it to nature. After all, it is one planet, even if we do just want to maime and kill each other. Especially, me. Now, look at sharks and sandworms. One of my hobbies, besides making babies and criticizing people, is biology. You learn so much from nature. People these days, they don't grow their own food. They can barely get out of their recliners and make it to the super market. Let me tell you, there's nothing super about that place. Kids these days don't know how to preserve and can their own food. N-No wonder all they want to do is play video games or hang out with their friends. What is it, The Degeneratron?* What a crock of shit! Do take note that this is not a mispelling. Jan mispronounces Degenetron.
Maurice 莫里斯	Heh-Hey hey! Watch your language! This is radio, we have regulations about that sort of thing!
Jan 简	...But you let a naked man on.
Maurice 莫里斯	Eh, he's behind a screen. You can't see him; He's not that exciting. Imagine a flabby guy with a pony tail and a nasty rash. You'll get the picture.
Jan 简	Imagine one, I married one. Anyway, what was I saying.
Maurice 莫里斯	Eh, you were discussing The Degenetron, which I understand is a games machine, then you swore.
Jan 简	I'm sorry, it makes me so mad. I mean, what I heard my son Patrick the 3rd... I heard him using slang words in the house the other day. Rad and cool and stick it... I mean, I beat him to within an inch of his life, and he will never make that mistake again. American should be spoken properly!
Maurice 莫里斯	What?
Jan 简	No, don't interrupt me! I've got children, you know, please! This is really important. This is about the family. Look, look. Nobody knows how to cook anymore. Nobody knows how to kill anymore. Nobody knows how to kill dinner. My daddy was a very wise man, before that tractor pull accident. My daddy taught me how to slaughter a pig. That's very useful information. Oh sure, I was a little nervous at first, but he put me in a room with a fork and a fat sow and told me he'd be back in an hour for some fat back and hog jowls. As a mother, I'm proud to say I throttled the life out of that little piggie. I did it for my family, and I'll do it again as a mother. Daddy earns money and goes away with his secretary and mommy provides dinner and keeps a brave face on things, even though her heart is breaking. Where are my pills?
Maurice 莫里斯	Barry 巴里... You look like you've got something to say.
Barry 巴里	I agree. Statistics show that families that spend time together naked are the best kind of families. You see, social class destinctions disappear when everyone is naked. I can't tell if you're rich or poor, black or white. It doesn't matter 'cause we're all naked. Designer clothes? Try designer nudism! My body was made by the best designer around... Mother Nature. That's why we're lobbying to build a naked casino in Vice City, so old people can gamble naked and poor people can lose hope in the buff.
Richards 理查兹	It is written chapter 23, verse 5 of my book, he that gambles his money away is a fool. But he that believes in me will go to spend eternity in space with other affluent, well-to-do people. It's that simple. Do what I say and you won't have to think for yourself.
Maurice 莫里斯	Oh, but I think it is Pastor. We look around: Nudy clubs, discos, drinkin... Do people want to be moral? Can you legislate morality? Can we tell people how to live their lives?
Richards 理查兹	Absolutely! Yes, of course I can. Just look at prohibition or the cultural revolution in China. We can learn a lot from history. Chairman Mao or Stalin, they purged their land of degenerates or intellectuals, the scum of the Earth in my book, and look at the great societies they built. People want to be told how to act. Most people are idiots, and that's exactly who my teachings appeal to. This lawless, permissive society has no boundaries, and without boundaries how do you know where the limits are? You have to know what's good and what's evil. You need someone to tell you so. Single moms have obese kids, it's a fact. While rich people have a lot of guilt unnecessarily in my opinion.
Jan 简	I agree. I don't think these people understand just how hard it is to potty train. You have to give a treat when precious makes a poopy. My kids are big boned, and they eat prunes every day, but that's what's wrong this country. All of this emphasis on being thin and healthy. When my children are hungry I give them a spear and send them off to the park to catch their own food. They're learning to be self-sufficient. Yesterday, my youngest Jono, killed the postman, but at least he was trying. So I gave him a cuddle and told him to hit daddy next time he comes home late smelling of cheap perfume.
Maurice 莫里斯	Okay... It's time to take a break before we hear about anymore criminal acts against government employees. You're listening to Pressing Issues. Morality is the subject at hand. Let's explain exactly how free radio without commerical breaks works. We'll be right back. [cuts to Jonathan and Michelle]
Jonathan 乔纳森	You're listening to VCPR. Finally, a radio station for teachers and librarians. You've been enjoying Pressing Issues. As is normal, you can't listen to an hour's worth of programing on this station without us begging for money. It's the bi-daily begathon here on VCPR, where we hold your favorite shows hostage until you pony up some cash.
Michelle 米歇尔	You know what's so great about VCPR? It's like a shining torch of cultural enlightenment for Vice City. In these times of darkness when the hordes are so uneducated, they can barely understand multi-slavic phrases like, "Clean my shoes better, Narissa, or I'll report you to the IRS!" or dialectical materialism. Isn't it great to have a patronizing voice on the radio?
Jonathan 乔纳森	That's right, Michelle. With the way things are going under Regan, the unwashed huns from the midwest could descend upon Vice City and enslave the poets and postal workers and force us to watch network programing.
Michelle 米歇尔	That is a frigthening thought, but like many things in life, you can throw money at something and feel better about yourself. VCPR is your public radio station, but you have to open your wallets.
Jonathan 乔纳森	That's right. If you pledge at the $1000 level, you'll get tickets for "In the Future, There Will Be Robots" at the Vice City Art Center.
Michelle 米歇尔	People who see that show say it's difficult to put into English. That must mean it's spectacular.
Jonathan 乔纳森	Yes, but if you don't give money to VCPR, we could be thrown back to the stone age. Liberals will be set on fire in the streets. Give now. Let's return to Pressing Issues. Over to you, Maurice, in the studio! ...Useless, talentless asshole.
Michelle 米歇尔	You're correct, he is an asshole! [back to Pressing Issues]
Maurice 莫里斯	I love those guys! Really professional and living proof that all the talent isn't on commercial networks. These people do it for love because they have integrity, just like me! We're back with Pressing Issues. I'm Maurice Chavez, winner of five public radio awards in the Vice City area, including best voice. On this show, we take complex issues and boil them down to simple ones so you can understand. On this segment of the show, we are discussing morality. Since the beginning of time, man has asked questions. Why are we here? What time is it? And is there a place around here a guy can get a drink? Early man, as seen in the Cave of Lascaux* in France, question the morality of making the mammoth extinct. I think we all know what happened there. Is it society's job to tell each other how to live? Recently, Vice City considered passing a public curfew that says nobody can be on the streets after 8:30 PM. Of course, the bill didn't get passed, but it made people think. If you don't vote, you get morons in charge. Is that moral? I'm not sure. Let's press the issue. Side note: Maurice mispronounces the name of Lascaux, which almost sounds like he's saying "lost cause" (originally, it was on this FAQ as Lascoz). Thanks to countess mushroom for that!
Barry 巴里	Children should be at home with their parents naked. A curfew makes sense. Do you know how much money I save not having to wear trendy clothes? Read a history book. At the creation of the universe, the Big Bang, everyone was naked. Even you! Why do I have to stay behind this divider? Maurice, please!
Richards 理查兹	Because nobody is interesting in seeing your... "business." Because we have standards of decency which you are offending.
Barry 巴里	[jumping] Look at me! I'm jumping up and down!
Jan 简	Oh my goodness! Get back behind the divider, please! I'm married!
Barry 巴里	What's so wrong with me? Why do you hate me? Because I'm happy? Jan, give me a hug! I won't hurt you! And by the sound of things, your husband is doing the same right now with his secretary.
Jan 简	No! We worked through it! He was stressed! It's hard keeping a family together these days.
Barry 巴里	Everyone! Take you clothes off and feel what it's like to be free of bondage. Everyone out there in Vice City take your cltohes off! If this is the land of the free, let's start with our pants! Feel the wind from the air conditioning! Uh! A breeze is so liberating!
Maurice 莫里斯	Uh, thanks very much. Now, if you could get back behind that divider Barry, please, otherwise I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Thank you. Uh, no-now sit down... On Pressing Issues, we think it is very important to respect one another. To treat each other like we would like to be treated.
Barry 巴里	I want a hug!
Richards 理查兹	If you don't like the United States, son, why don't you move to Russia? I don't understand people in America today. They call this a Cold War, but it's hotter as hell. Mark my words! Anyday now, you're sitting in school, passing notes, and talking about the prom when suddenly you look out the window and there are Russian paratroopers dropping in to take over. What can you do? Run into the woods with your friends? Call yourselves The Wolverines? Put twigs in your hair and beat back the Russkies? No... You hightail it to Pastor Richards Salvation Statue and blast off into space! But there is a limited amount of space. That's why I suggest anyone who wants the safety and security of your own bunker, give now. Call 866-9SAVEME. We'll get you on the payment plan and if you're paid in full on D-day, you and your family will be safe! If not, you may have to choose to save yourself and leave the others behind.
Maurice 莫里斯	Hey hey hey hey! Stop selling things on my show! You're not a valued sponsor who supports the art of public radio, buddy.
Jan 简	I, for one, welcome our new Russian masters. We can learn so much from other cultures. Did you know in India the women protest by setting themselves on fire? I tell you, next time the kids are screaming for ice cream and pop, I may just douse myself in kerosene. I use that as a threat to my kids all the time, so it's no wonder they're so screwed up. That's one of the tough things about being a mom; not ruining their life with guilt. Uh, as a matter of fact I don't let my kids watch cartoons or slasher flicks.
Maurice 莫里斯	Really?
Jan 简	That Knife After Dark movie maybe number one in the box office, but my kids certainly ain't going to see it. If you don't raise your kids right, they end up being like nude boy over there or working in radio. I want them to get proper jobs like being a doctor, not a patient.
Barry 巴里	That is offensive! My mother understood I was special! She made me wear a bonnet as a child. And when I demanded to go to school naked, she was fine with it! After social service moved me she was still right to me. I still remember when she kissed me goodbye.
Maurice 莫里斯	But Barry, earlier you said you discovered Naturism, taking your clothes off, whatever it is in Germany.
Barry 巴里	I know, but I lie a lot. Uh, I got a lot of personal issues. Look at me! Please, Maurice! I need a hug!
Richards 理查兹	There's another example of immorality in this city; public showing of affection. People think we want to see them making out and carrying on. I understand your hormones rage like a wild animal and you want to ravage one another like there's no tomorrow, but you have to ignore what your body is telling you and work for a higher calling, like construction! We're buildling a statue and we need your help! Call me now!
Jan 简	You know, pretty soon you won't be able to tell who's a human and who's an android. Why, the corporation is working on it right now. I know, I read about it. I tell my kids not to kiss other kids at school, "It might be an android... Suck your brains out." You must have seen the mini-series event on television. I read it in a book. We've got to stop looking at the stars- all this science fiction- and focus on the family. If you really want to dance like you're on the moon, go there and leave us in peace! ...And that's a fact!
Maurice 莫里斯	Eh... Uh... What's a fact?
Jan 简	I'm sorry Maurice, but I have to tell you... I'm moved to Florida to bring up the American way; in a theme park. And that's just the kind of person I am: opinionated and moronic.
Maurice 莫里斯	I see, well... This panel is certainly interesting. The issue is morality. Recently, rock artists joined together to provide famine aide to Alaska with the song, "Do They Know It's the Fourth of July?" Critics complain it's immoral to meddle in the affairs of other peoples and cultures. Pastor Richards-
Richards 理查兹	What?
Maurice 莫里斯	What do you make of meddling in other people's business like an over-opinionated sociopath?
Richards 理查兹	Well, let me say that money could have gone to much better things like reserving a place by my side in the Pastor Richards Salvation Statue, but I digress and plug.
Maurice 莫里斯	Stop doing that!
Richards 理查兹	Don't interrupt me, boy. Anywho, I address the Alaska issue in chapter 23 of my book. You see, the Alaskans are lunatics, plain simple. They eat whale and snow and sleep in the freezer. Who wants to eat snow every day? Oh, I tried to help. I sent a helicopter with copies of my book but they burned them in a pile for heat. If the people of Alaska choose to live there, let them, but don't come crying when you're tired of eating penguin and it snows 18 feet a day!
Maurice 莫里斯	Yes, but don't you think it's important-
Richards 理查兹	I think it's very important to listen to me, young man! That's what makes the state of Florida great. Rather than help improve where they are, people nationwide abandon hometowns, come down here, and shove their beliefs down everyone else's throats! That's the American way, always has been! We should send some pictures of Flordia to those people in Alaska. I tell you, they'd throw down that bear pelt, saddle up the sled dogs, and get pulled all the way to Vice City. And I should know, I'm from Mars!
Maurice 莫里斯	No you're not!
Richards 理查兹	Uh... Mars, Alabama. I founded three colleges there.
Barry 巴里	The problem with Alaska is that people don't get naked. If you can't work on your car or play the cello or use sharp knives in your birthday suit, then what's the point of living?
Maurice 莫里斯	Uh, well it is a bit cold there. People put on clothes when it's cold. We evolved without a warm covering of hair.
Richards 理查兹	That's a lie, son! We come from the Great Meteor of Truth!
Barry 巴里	Clothes are a habit like shaving and taking out the trash! As soon as you stop you realize what a prisoner you were to society and a twisted state of morality. People think that nudists are immoral. Well, we're not! I'm married... I love my wife... In our commune, it's so wonderful to wake up in a big bed and go to breakfast clothed in nothing but a smile.
Richards 理查兹	What kind of people are there in your weirdo commune?
Barry 巴里	Single people, families, elderly couples, teachers, politicians, and especially truck drivers. Truck drivers understand what it's like to be by yourself for days on end, with nothing but country music on the radio and a stick in your hand, shifting gears... Over, and over. Truckers realize there's nothing to be ashamed of on the open road. Get naked, and beat it on down the line! You've never seen a sense of community and morality like a nudist colony. We share everything: the cooking, cleaning, wives... A shear sense of what it's like to be a social outcast.
Maurice 莫里斯	Uh, wait right there, Barry. I'm getting something through the cas- Headphones that is... Yes... Okay... We just want to tell you a little more about public radio funding. We'll be right back after this. [cuts to Jonathan and Michelle]
Michelle 米歇尔	Hello! I'm sure you're enjoying our high quality programing. I'm Michelle Montanius. Jonathan, I think it's time to acknowledge the people who are sending money in to shut us up and end this dreadful begathon.
Jonathan 乔纳森	Here's a $10 pledge from Fran in Little Havana. Wow, you think she could've given more than that.
Michelle 米歇尔	Yes. Mean bitch! I hope she dies an agonizing death!
Jonathan 乔纳森	Absolutely, Michelle! And remember, if you want us to wish you well, dig deep and dig soon.
Michelle 米歇尔	That's right. At any moment, conservatives could vote to end our funding and place a fast food restaurant where our studios are. See, there are some people that think everything has to make money. It doesn't! That's why you should give now.
Jonathan 乔纳森	Correct. Next week is environmental week, sponsored by Maibatsu and the Vice City Power Corporation. And next month, we're celebrating Proust's influence on Vice City, in association with The Degenetron. But for now, let's return to Pressing Issues. Remember, VCPR is an advertising free zone, much like the moon or Time Square. [back to Pressing Issues]
Maurice 莫里斯	Welcome back! The show is Pressing Issues! The subject is morality. I'm Maurice Chavez. Now, let's carry on pressing the issue! Now when the Europeans were done ruining their continent with bland food and soccer riots and arrived in the Americas in the late 15th century, the subject soon turned to morality. You see, the Europeans wanted to colonize America so they had somebody to make fun of. The pilgrims left England for the religious freedom in Holland where they visited coffeeshops and they packed up their ships with plenty of coffee, tea, and cakes to liven up the trip, they set sail to the new world... Which they heard had a magnificent rollercoaster! Once they got here, they were very hungry having been on ship for 65 days. So, they ate for three days straight. Thanksgiving soon became an annual custom. America was founded by people who wanted a place where they could tell other people how to live, and I'm a history major. But do we have the right? The question: Is it moral to celebrate Thanksgiving, a holiday that is clearly about gluttony, annoying relatives, and awful casserole?
Richards 理查兹	Well I, for one, love a casserole! And at my weekly meeting, my congregation has a pot luck. You see, a casserole is a lot like life Maurice, and that's basis of my philosophy. If you put a bunch of leftovers in a pan and bake it, someone will probably eat it. Like my book: You believe in your favorite sports team, then they get massacred; You believe in gravity, then it turns upside down on you; You love your favorite TV show, then the network ends it with a lousy finale. You can believe in me, and if you believe in something, support it. It's one thing to love in something, but if you don't shower it with money, then just don't talk to me. Communism... Don't make me puke my guts out, please!
Jan 简	Well, I myself love casseroles on Thanksgiving. And the way to teach your children the rich history of America is through theme parks! I just love Pilgrim World, especially the part where you get the slaughter your own buffalo and take home the meat, or give the locals the flu while buying their land off them for a pitance. That's what children need!
Maurice 莫里斯	Uh, what is?
Jan 简	Wholesome activities that benefit the family. What good is it if a kid plays Degeneratron for five hours? Oh sure, he's killing space aliens, thank you very much, but it ain't putting food on the table. And, he's learning bad language like [jibberish, can't tell what's she's saying]*. When my family go out to dinner we're starting from scratch, even if daddy is working late- again- We build our own spears, smear ourselves with dung, and wait in the swamps for something to come by. I'm not sure exactly what she says here, but it sounds like she's trying to make beeping noises a bit like old school gaming systems did back then. [This just in] "I'm not sure, but I think Jan Brown's odd babbling when giving an example of 'bad language' is a joke on her paranoia - she thinks baby-talk is obscene. It's a weird joke, and the voice actress playing Jan doesn't make it very clear."- countess mushroom This sounds logical, although it may not be exactly right. I will still keep it up here as an interpretation.
Maurice 莫里斯	In the suburbs? I bet your neighbors love you. How long do you wait? Don't you get arrested?
Jan 简	Hey, mister, I'm married! Look at the finger; it has a ring! I've got children for Pete sake's, stop eyeing me up!
Maurice 莫里斯	I wasn't-
Jan 简	You were! I can see you undressing me with your eyes. Well, I tell you, I was a cheerleader and nearly a prom queen, and I could have married anyone, but I chose John- I CHOSE him because he had a kind face and a rich dad. I didn't know he was going to cheat on me or embarass me. I didn't know. But I won't be made a fool of. I've got the children.
Maurice 莫里斯	Okay Jan. It's okay. Men are idiots. Ask my ex-wife. Heh heh heh heh... Don't worry. Stay calm. I'm not eyeing you up, but I am a little worried about you. How are the children? Do they enjoy school?
Jan 简	Of course they do. That's precisely why I'm going to start home-schooling my children. High school is a cult. There's a group of savages that rule the roost, and get all the girls, and everyone else is picked on and abused. It happened to me and look at me: I'm a deranged mess and my husband cheats on me. I don't want my kids to go to a public high school. Instead, we have a prom each year in my living room.
Maurice 莫里斯	...And that leads to my next question-
Barry 巴里	People in high school in Chile are all naked!
Maurice 莫里斯	I've about had it with you, Barry! I tried to be fair... I tried to be kind, but you are a freak and a liar and wasting everybody's time. The organs below the belt are for reproduction and removing of bodily waste. There's reason that when I go to buy a soda, or a transmission, I need to be distracted by your privates dangling about. Now when I go to the store to buy an air conditioning filter, I'd rather not have to look at your money-maker, amigo! I'm glad you're proud of it, but when people of Vice City are in a Kwik-E-Mart, they should be able to have a simple financial transaction without seeing your firehose! Are you with me?
Barry 巴里	Sorry, Maurice!
Maurice 莫里斯	That's okay. Just try to behave. I think the sun must have got to you or something.
Barry 巴里	Yes, maybe that's it.
Richards 理查兹	Maurice, if I may, you have a fine show here and... and I'm glad to be on it, but everyone within the sound of my voice and smell will die in the fires of doom. It is written, "TV is trash, radio is trash, our newspapers are run by Canadians with an agenda. Our very way of life is threatened. We formed this great state to plague all, and I'll be damned if any weirdo hippies are going to tell us we can't fill in wetlands and make a home for ourselves, complete with 18 hole championship standard courses and selective admission. Heathens will ruin the land, acid will rain from the skies, we'll never hear my voice again- It will be anarchy!
Jan 简	TV teaches immorality! Refugees, glue, the price of tea in China... How can we raise chidren in this environment? My little boy asked me the other day, [childish voice] "Mommy, are unicorns real?" What am I supposed to say to that? Do I lie and make myself as bad as the boy's father, or do I break the little boy's heart and ruin his life so that he ends up a nudist or a freak or something.
Maurice 莫里斯	It's a difficult question, Jan. A very difficult question. Is it right to lie?
Barry 巴里	Clothes are a lie, Maurice!
Maurice 莫里斯	No, Barry. Clothes are a way of keeping warm and not getting arrested.
Barry 巴里	No policeman has ever hit me with his truncheon-
Richards 理查兹	I'd like to hit you back to Hell, you sicko! You're filth! Human form of vermin! A blight on a fine society of picket fences and garden parties, and everyone coming three times a day to my statue to pay homage.
Maurice 莫里斯	Pastor Richards, as a human being, I have to say I find your philosophy or cult or whatever it is utterly and completely appauling.
Richards 理查兹	Why thank you! I knew you'd understand.
Maurice 莫里斯	I mean, you seem to want to build a religion around yourself in some 1950's vision of America. It's the 1980's, man! And one man worship-me cults are not allow, my friend!
Richards 理查兹	Exactly! As I say in the great book, "Many are called, but unless you have a good credit rating, go screw yourself. You'll burn in Hell."
Maurice 莫里斯	Aye, por favor, shut up! Uh, Barry, what are you doing?
Barry 巴里	I'm lonely, Maurice! Lonely and I need some bodily contact.
Maurice 莫里斯	Get behind! Get back behind that pannel!
Barry 巴里	Don't be shy! Please, we've all got one! That means I'm happy!
Maurice 莫里斯	Hey, stay away from me! I'm a celebrity!
Jan 简	Oh good lord!
Richards 理查兹	Mind yourself, boy! I warn you, I'm armed and I'm not afraid to use it!
Barry 巴里	We've all got one! Look how free I am! ...MMM! The fan feels so good! I feel you!
Maurice 莫里斯	Hey! Hey, Pastor Richards, please! Put that gun away! Put it away!
Richards 理查兹	No! I am a sole judge/soldier** of the truth* and decency. Get back, heathen! Get back! Sounds more correct than "jepruth," but still doesn't sound fully right to me for some reason. I almost year a J in there at the beginning for some reason. This is another one I'm getting a lot of e-mails from. All I can say is honestly... Trust your own ears on this one and form whatever you think is right. Honestly, I thought "soldier" was correct, but anyway...
Barry 巴里	I love you all!
Richards 理查兹	Evil-doer! Die, devil, die!!! [gun fire]
Barry 巴里	AHHH! OWW!
Maurice 莫里斯	Dios mio! You shot him! There-there-there's blood, and-and pubic hair all over the studio! Ladies and gentlemen, it is complete pandemonium here on Pressing Issues with me, the multi-award winning and soon to be executed Maurice Chavez. Barry, are you okay? Are you alive?
Barry 巴里	Stop the bleeding, it's down there!
Maurice 莫里斯	Do I have to? Can't you get someone else?
Jan 简	[moans]
Maurice 莫里斯	Jan 简! Aye, Dios mio, he's fainted!
Barry 巴里	No, hold it... Harder! Oh, that's so good! I need mouth to mouth. Maurice, please, I might die
Maurice 莫里斯	Uh... Okay... Excuse me, I'm only doing this to save your life. I don't want to.
Barry 巴里	Thanks... I'm getting cold. Quickly, it's okay to use tongues.
Maurice 莫里斯	AHHH! Get off of me! I'm happily divorced!
Richards 理查兹	Shall I send him to Hell, Maurice?
Maurice 莫里斯	Yes- I mean no... No, you psychotic lunatic! Put that gun away, don't point it at me!
Richards 理查兹	...Or you'll what, son? You think I'm scared of your conventional, lilly-livered morality? You think you can tell me what to do? You think it's wrong for me to have five concubines and spread my genes, or to use money from the statue for building my own palace in Hawaii? You think that's wrong, do you son? Do you? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Maurice 莫里斯	No! NO NO NO-HOHOHO Mr. Pastor! It's alright! I think it's very right. Very right, indeed. You're the boss! You're in charge! You're the king!
Richards 理查兹	Damn right I am! Now I'll tell you about morality. Morality is what I say is right, and immorality is what I say is wrong. You got to understand this!
Maurice 莫里斯	[clears throat] Oh, I do!
Barry 巴里	Ugh... I'm bleeding! I need a proctologist!
Richards 理查兹	Shut it! Now, next question. Ask me anything! Ask me anything you want!
Maurice 莫里斯	Yeah... Well, I'd love to, but it seems that that is about all we have time for, actually. The thing is, you see, this is public radio and every once in a while we need to appeal for money, or cut away when people start brandishing guns, like this. You're on Pressing Issues and in this show we discussed morality. I think we made a lot of progress and really came together. I am Maurice Chavez. Bye, uh... Please, don't kill me! [cuts to Jonathan and Michelle]
Jonathan 乔纳森	I hope you were enjoying Pressing Issues. I certainly was.
Michelle 米歇尔	Yes, it's almost as interesting as listening to you, Jonahtan!
Jonathan 乔纳森	Wow... Thanks Michelle! It is, isn't it? Before we let you get back to the show, I thought you'd like to know VCPR has managed to raise $30 this hour, which should keep us on the air for another 15 minutes at least.
Michelle 米歇尔	Thankfully, due to the generosity of the people at Dileo and Furax, the fascinating show, Legal Review, will still run. But, now, back to Pressing Issues.
Jonathan 乔纳森	Actually before we let you get back to the show, I'd like to say something. I know that public radio may not seem very important in an era of poverty and famine and immense personal greed, but I can assure you it is. And not just because I say so, look at the facts! 15 of the last 37 American presidents and 47 vice-presidents have appeared on VCPR in the last month. 33% of all Nobel prize winners started out in public radio. Without public radio, we would never have discovered gravity... or the pizza... or the fact that a lot of people love to hear themselves rattle. Anyway, sermon over. I hope you folks at home understand how passionate we are about public radio and it has nothing to do with the fact that I got kicked off the networks.
Michelle 米歇尔	That was very moving, Jonathan. Back to Pressing Issues. Where is the creep? Put him on! [goes back to Pressing Issues]

感知和积极思考

Media:GTAVC_VCPR_Clip02.mp3	Perception and Positive Thinking. Click to play!
	感知和积极思考的辩论，耗费流量约5MB

涉及到的角色: Maurice Chavez, Jenny Louise Crab, Konstantinos Smith, and Jeremy Robard

台词列表
讲话者	台词
Maurice 莫里斯	Hello. As you may know, you're on VCPR, and this is Maurice Chavez. That is, I am Maurice Chavez. That's Chavez. Not Chaves, or Chaviez. This isn't a game show. Sorry about the upbeat opening. This isn't a game show. This is a political and social debate on free radio, without adverbs. And I am still Maurice Chavez. Hi. Next up on Pressing Issues, we tackle one of the most important issues in our country today. The issue of perception. Not credit card fraud. That's deception. But we're talking about perception. How we percieve the world. These are optimistic times we're living in. A time of go-getters and doers. Our hero is the entrepinuer. The shaker and the maker. Positive thinking, we are told, is everything. Think it, and we can do it. Or can we? Let's press the issue. Now personally, somedays, I wake up, and I look out the window, and I think that it's great to be alive. Other days, like payday or my ex-wife's birthday, I want to hide under the pillows and cry. But that's me. A man of contradictions, as my therapist said. He was a Jungian*, but whatever. I'm Maurice Chavez, and on our panel right now, we've got three very contrasting views about the issue of positive thinking. On my right, we have gothic artist, vampire hunter, and, in his words, man of the night, Konstantinos Smith. Konstantinos, hello. Not that it needs to be noted, but I figured I should anyway for those who don't know what a "Jungian" [pronounced YOONG-EE-EN] is (as it's not a very common word). A Jungian is a type of psychologist or psychotherapist who mainly bases his/her methods on the theories of psychologist Carl Gustav Jung.
Smith 史密斯	Gretings, mortal. I hope this is good. I'm missing a seance to be here.
Maurice 莫里斯	You don't sound excited to be here.
Smith 史密斯	No, man. I'm mind-numbingly depressed. It's great.
Maurice 莫里斯	O-Kay! I'm going to have to interrupt you there. And, on the left, I have positive thinker extraodinare. A man who dragged himself up from the gutter. Jeremy Robard.
Jeremy 杰里米	Hey, the ghetto, not the gutter. I didn't live in the gutter. I lived in the ghetto. I'm a survivor, not vermin. I'm from the streets.
Maurice 莫里斯	O-kay!
Jeremy 杰里米	Hey, I can teach you how to be a survivor, too. All of you. I can help everyone. I've got what they call a gift for communications. I can help you all realize that gift, make something of yourselves, realize your dreams. I'm like a high school councelor. I'll show you your potential. It's easy. All you have to do is follow my simple program on audio cassette or VHS.
Maurice 莫里斯	O-okay okay, not right now. This isn't a commercial, and if you're not going to underwrite the station, I can't let you read this blatant plugs. People pay for that.
Jeremy 杰里米	Hey, everything in life is an opportunity. When I was in jail, I got the idea for my current business. And look at me now. I got offices in Vice City, Bogata, Lebanese, and Jamaica. If I can do it, I can help you make something of yourself. You can be just like me, a success.
Maurice 莫里斯	H-hey, enough, enough, no more. Not a word from you until you are called upon again.
Jeremy 杰里米	It's a three stage process. Learn, start, doing.
Maurice 莫里斯	Eh, SHUT UP! I'm warning you, this my show. You shut your mouth. Shut it now and keep it shut. Do not push me, you shiny-suited prick. Do not push me!
Jeremy 杰里米	Hey, you have to dress to impress. I cover that in my program. People make judgments on who you are, based on your apperance. Scienitists say we form 98 percent of our opinions on a person in the first day or second that we meet them. Hey, and if scientists say it, it must be true. I teach you how to live that.
Maurice 莫里斯	ENOUGH! This is Pressing Issues. Enough now, okay? Enough. Please, no more. Okay, my last panelist is someone without a plan to sell. Without a program, but with a beautiful message, so it says here. Vice City's civilian of the year for 1985, Jenny Louise Crab.
Jenny 珍妮	Hi, Maurice. This is such a lovely studio.
Maurice 莫里斯	Thanks. How are you doing?
Jenny 珍妮	Great! GREAT! HEHE!! In fact, I'm fantastic. Did you see the sunrise this morning? It was gorgeous. I've been smiling all day ever since, ehehehe!
Maurice 莫里斯	O-kay. Now let's get with the policy of ladies first, and since you seem to be the more pleasent person here, Jenny, let's start with you. You seem like a very happy person.
Jenny 珍妮	Oh, I am, EHEHEHEHE!!! HEHE!!
Maurice 莫里斯	Really? Why?
Jenny 珍妮	Well, life's great, isn't it? HEHEHE!! I mean, good things come my way because I hold each one close, because I deserve it.
Smith 史密斯	I bet you wouldn't be so cheery if you had the black plaque. Jenny's living in a fictional world. Goths like me, we see the world for what it is. Dark songs of the night, black nail polish, and very tight black jeans, man.
Jenny 珍妮	Like, everything is great, well, like, like, well, like everything!
Maurice 莫里斯	Konstantinos, you're shaking your head.
Smith 史密斯	I know, Maurice, I am.
Maurice 莫里斯	Any particular reason?
Smith 史密斯	Yeah.
Maurice 莫里斯	What, then?
Smith 史密斯	There's only one thing good about life.
Maurice 莫里斯	Uh huh, and what that?
Smith 史密斯	DEATH!!
Maurice 莫里斯	Death?
Smith 史密斯	Yeah, and dying. That's good, too. And black. And the moon. At least when you're dead, you can go around as an astrobody, and visit places like New Orleans. I love New Orleans. It really hot and depressing.
Jenny 珍妮	Oh, death is good.
Maurice 莫里斯	IS IT?!!
Jenny 珍妮	YEAH!!
Maurice 莫里斯	What, i-i-if you're going to inheret alot of money?
Jenny 珍妮	Yeah, no, I mean, yes. But also if you can be positive and upbeat about things. I mean, like my parents were brutally murdered a few years ago, yeah, and I was really bothered, but I kept smiling, and I got a lot out of it. I'm a much better person today having dealt with that. They were killed so I could have a great personal experience, and I see that now.
Smith 史密斯	Lucky bastards! I wish someone would kill me. Then I could hang out in the graveyard all the time instead of just on weekends.
Jenny 珍妮	I know I'm really lucky to have the opportunity to learn about life. You can't control everything in life, so start the day with a smile, and you'll END the day with one.
Maurice 莫里斯	What do you start a day with, Konstantinos?
Smith 史密斯	Usually with a pint of blood at dusk, then I light some candles and cry.
Jenny 珍妮	HEHEHE!! HEHE!!
Maurice 莫里斯	O-kay, moving on, before we are all sick.
Smith 史密斯	No, Maurice, I DO, because I won't be constrained by you. Life is cheap, man, and then you die. If you prepare for the afterlife now, you will be able to summon spirits. That's the truth of the pentagram, man.
Maurice 莫里斯	Ahem! How profound. You obviously have a lot of important things to tell the world.
Smith 史密斯	The world is a lie, man. Only darkness is truth. I am very much like Vlad Dracu, born in Sexora, 1441.
Jenny 珍妮	HEHEHE, you're scaring me. I wish you would smile and be happy.
Maurice 莫里斯	O-kay, right, this isn't going that well. Hey, look, --.
Jeremy 杰里米	[intrrupting Maurice] Hey, can I say something?
Maurice 莫里斯	NO! I'm still pissed off with you, you shoulder-pad wearing scheister!
Jeremy 杰里米	Hey hey hey. Back down, buster, before I bust your balls. No confrontation. As the say in the movies, I'm a man of peace. I'm done killing. Work with me.
Maurice 莫里斯	What do you want? A broken nose? Some spit in your eye? You're pushing me, man. I'm Maurice Chavez.
Jeremy 杰里米	I know who you are. You used to be a clown. I saw you at a bar mitzvah once. You had a great act. What, did you get tired of kids kicking you in the shin? Still, you were a first-class talent.
Maurice 莫里斯	I was?
Jeremy 杰里米	Yes, yes, great. But you lacked something.
Maurice 莫里斯	I did?
Jeremy 杰里米	Yeah. Confidence, friend. Confidence. You were all shot up with nerves.
Smith 史密斯	I'd like to be all shot up with embalming fluid.
Maurice 莫里斯	That can be arranged. We're talking about me, not mister Konstantinos Smith.
Jeremy 杰里米	Yes, confidence. It's where it all begins. Positive thinking. What are we talking about today, Maurice?
Maurice 莫里斯	I forget. Morality, oh no. Violence, oh, no. That Barry guy without any clothes. Yes, you're right. Positive thinking.
Jeremy 杰里米	Exactly, friend. We're talking about you, Maurice Chavez. You couldn't cut it as a clown, but you're great, and I mean great, as a public radio host. It take a lot of work to be up uppity and be self- important all the time. Every cab I go in, the guys love you.
Maurice 莫里斯	Hey, thanks.
Jeremy 杰里米	Hey, don't thank me. Thank yourself. You've learned something, then you started something, and now you're doing it. That's what it's all about.
Maurice 莫里斯	It is?
Jeremy 杰里米	Yes. You thought your way to success. It's a three step program, based on studying successful people. Like me. Or maybe learn start doing is too intense for you. Maybe you should just think, hold that thought, complete. I never had anyone complain about that program.
Maurice 莫里斯	Stop that.
Jeremy 杰里米	Hey, I engage with you, friend, and you're exchanging with me. I cover this in my second tape. One is an positive action as practiced by successful people like salesmen or prositutes, and the other is a negative action as practiced by failures like winos and judges.
Maurice 莫里斯	WHAT?
Jeremy 杰里米	Stop interrupting me. You got to open your ears and close your mouth. It's very important, I tell my old lady that all the time. I say, "Hey, I don't wanna hear no complaining. I come home with piles of cash every night and all you do is bitch." The learning starts in here, and ends when we open this. Doing is a whole other story, but we'll come to that. Now all you have to do is call me right away at 866-434-SELF, and for just one monthly payment, I will change your life forever, I promise you. I'll supply you with all the materials you'll need to completly change the way you see the world, guaranteed.
Maurice 莫里斯	Oh, now stop, stop right now. This is a debate program, not an infomercial.
Jeremy 杰里米	Hey, that's a great idea. Listen, friend. I mean this in a friendly way. Debating is a yes and no proposition. You need to open your mind to the maybes. We're discussing like friends, not debating like enemies. You see the difference?
Jenny 珍妮	Yes, I do. I think it's so much fun to be on the radio. I'd listen more, but someone stole my radio when they killed my foster family.
Smith 史密斯	I hate everyone, apart from the undead. They're the only ones you can really get along with.
Jeremy 杰里米	Well, that's a start. But even you, mister long hair and pale skin, I can change your outlook, guaranteed.
Jenny 珍妮	That's so great, like puppies!
Smith 史密斯	I saw some dead puppies once.
Jenny 珍妮	Aww!
Maurice 莫里斯	Konstantinos, I've noticed you have a lot of negative thinking. Why the Goth lifestyle?
Smith 史密斯	Well, some say life is a tea party for zombies. Also, when you only wear black, everything matches. In fact, I'll keep wearing black until something darker comes along. It's a known fact that the best poetry is written when you're horribly depressed.
Jenny 珍妮	Hey, listen, I wrote a haiku. Oh, the red daisy. Flowers retain all happiness. Sunshine, YEAH!! Sunshine, HEHEHE!!
Jeremy 杰里米	You'd sound like you'd enjoy my program motivate, demonstrate, then motivate again. Nobody ever complained about that program. You hug people and you laugh like you never laughed before.
Maurice 莫里斯	Let's get back to the topic at hand, eh? I had enough of this weirdness. Jenny, let's start with you. How do you maintain such a positive outlook on life? It says in your file that some awful things have happened to you.
Jenny 珍妮	I don't think anything awful has happened to me.
Maurice 莫里斯	But it says you y-y-y-your parents were brutally murdered.
Jenny 珍妮	MOMMY?! Where's mommy? She's just fine. She's probably taking a nap. HAHAHAHA!! You're like my bad doll, Mr. Livingston. He's a bad doll, BAD DOLL! Not like my other dolls. My mom's great though, thanks for asking.
Maurice 莫里斯	O-o-kay! WOW! You're psychotic, and dosed up to the eyeballs on tranqulizers.
Jenny 珍妮	If it's psychotic to be happy, then I guess I am. HEHEHE!!
Smith 史密斯	A stalagmite grows an inch every thousand years. That slow and painful. That's how I want to live my life. If you can't see the misery, stay out of the kitchen. You may have noticed this arm tattoo? It's Egyptian, and it represnts the breath of life given in the afterworld. It's my key to eternal life after death.
Jeremy 杰里米	Hey, why don't you carry your keys in your pocket like everyone else?
Smith 史密斯	Because only that which is burned or scratched into your flesh comes with you to the afterlife.
Jeremy 杰里米	Hehe. I bet my ex-wife will be there waiting for me in the afterlife. The bitch is crazy. Hey, can you put a hex on my ex-wife, like some kind of spooky voodoo or something?
Smith 史密斯	I do dabble in the dark arts and magic.
Jeremy 杰里米	I ain't talking about magic like pulling a rabbit out of your ass or pulling quarters out of your ears. I'm talking voodoo. You know, dance around with a chicken voodoo. That bitch was a grass.
Smith 史密斯	Why does everyone assume that just because we're goths, we're weird?
Jeremy 杰里米	I don't know. The hood, cane, black fingernail polish may have something to do with it. When was the last time you seen the sun?
Smith 史密斯	It's been over 18 years since I was out in open sunlight. I only leave the house if it's raining, or if I need milk.
Jeremy 杰里米	EXACTLY! Listen, I was just like you at one time, except I didn't wear makeup. That would get you a firm beating where I grew up. I'm happy to give you a sample of my course learn start doing. I promise you'll run out and buy some colored clothing, and listen to some music other than people groaning on and on for half an hour about how much it rains in Manchester. Life is what you make of it. Look at me. I got a condo, a hot tub, a lot of girls.
Smith 史密斯	Listen, you're really bringing me down, which is hard to do. I've been to the other side many times. Sometimes, I barely come back. It's all about astroprojection. Like right now, I'm projecting myself into the women's bathroom at the fairgrounds.
Jeremy 杰里米	Hey, that's a good trick. Maybe you and I should go into business together.
Maurice 莫里斯	Oi, look, I've had enough of this love fest. You, you're a motivational conman, and you, you are a maniacally depressed looney with enemia. You guys should hate each other.
Jenny 珍妮	Did you say Love Fist? Those guys are so super. Listen, I just wrote another poem. If I had a flower for everytime I I think of you, I'd walk forever in a garden.
Maurice 莫里斯	And I just wrote a poem, too. Shut up, you weird, pathetic pimple. This is my show, Maurice Chavez. Capeech? Comprende? We are not here to recite poetry or sell motivational tape or talk to dead people. We are here to press the issue. Anyway, let's take a break. We'll be right back after this important information from Vice City Public Radio.
Michelle 米歇尔	That's Pressing Issues here on VCPR, Vice City Public Radio. If you haven't given money to VCPR, and you're listening to this station, you are a thief.
Jonathan 乔纳森	That's right, Michelle. You might as well as throw a brick through the window and loot the place. How selfish you people are? This is public radio, serving the public, with everything that is important. Like me. So come on. Keep us on air. It's really important.
Michelle 米歇尔	Send us your money. I'm going to say this over and over until you do.
Jonathan 乔纳森	Yes. Michelle is known for her beg-a-thon tantrums. She cares about this station, unlike you. Think of how much money you spend on drive-thru fast food and comemorative plates. Take that money right now, and send it, direct to me, Johnathain Freeloader, Starfish Island, Vice City. Now back to the show, with Maurice Chavez, the asshole.
Michelle 米歇尔	You're correct. He IS an asshole.
Maurice 莫里斯	I'm Maurice Chavez. Welcome back. I used to be a preformance clown. Now, I'm running a debate show. Funny how things turn out, eh? HEHEHE!!
Jenny 珍妮	HEHE!!
Maurice 莫里斯	Or is it? That's the question, you see? If we look upon life as a positive experience, do we make it any better? That's what we're discussing right now here on Pressing Issues. Free radio, with free ideas. Just keep those donations pouring in. Don't sell out to corporations. We all need a voice. Really, we do, and today, right now, we're giving a voice to three very different people discussing positive thinking. A healthy mental attitude. We got a goth/depressive, we've got a very happy orphan.
Jenny 珍妮	HEHEHEHE!!
Maurice 莫里斯	And we got a motivational speaker with a number of systems.
Jenny 珍妮	HEHE!!
Maurice 莫里斯	So let's start with you Konstantinos, you strange, creepy, creature of darkness. Have you got a positive mental attitude?
Smith 史密斯	I'd like to think so.
Maurice 莫里斯	Oh really?
Smith 史密斯	Misery and suffering? It's everywhere, man. And I actively want a fatal disease. What bad could possibly happen to me?
Maurice 莫里斯	You could win the lottery?
Smith 史密斯	The lottery? That's for people with hope. I don't enter the lottery.
Maurice 莫里斯	You could. [2 second pause] Damn, you two, help me here.
Jenny 珍妮	I think he's great. I think he's really sweet. I love your hair. It reminds me of a big, shaggy dog with long, greasy, straight hair.
Jeremy 杰里米	You know, Chavez, this weird goth guy? He's got a point. I mean, in many ways, what he's talking about is covered in my three step program, tape 17. Motivate, demonstrate, then motivate again, part 9. Facing home truths. You see, we all have to face up to a few home truths. I'll never be prom queen. Jenny will never have her parents.
Jenny 珍妮	HEHEHE!!
Jeremy 杰里米	You'll never make it in the entertainment business. It's about realistic goals. I can change your life.
Maurice 莫里斯	Now, now just a second, Robard. What isn't covered in your three-step program? What don't you talk about in your Library Of Congress sized tape cassette library? Whatever we talk about, greed, goths, depression, changing lives. Who are you? What have you done that's so great? You wear a cheap suit, your hair is stuck rigid with spray, you're breath stinks of whisky. Y--you look like you sell drugs to people. You're a joke, buddy, a bad joke.
Jeremy 杰里米	Oh, now this is gettin' personal. I come on your cheap-ass show, I spare my valuable time, I canceled several important speaking engagements. I talk to thousand of VIPs in order to spread a message of hope. And this is how I get treated. I get insulted by a man with dandruff, I get slandered by a guy who couldn't amuse a birthday party of 9 year olds, I get attacked by a guy who works on a voulunteer radio.
Maurice 莫里斯	This is not voulunteer radio. I earn a salary!
Jeremy 杰里米	How much? How much do you earn Chavez? Big man, tough guy with a microphone and a cheap jacket, and a look that says, "My highest hope in life is to work in a bookstore." I'm a go-getter. You're a cheapskate.
Maurice 莫里斯	You're a fraud with nothing to tell people. And no way of helping people.
Smith 史密斯	Excellent. I'm really loving this. I hope one of them gets killed.
Jeremy 杰里米	Shut up, dork!
Jenny 珍妮	All the bunnies are stabbing each other!
Jeremy 杰里米	Shut up! I have a condo, I have a hot tub, I've vacationed in Aruba.
Maurice 莫里斯	Vacation is not a verb, moron.
Jeremy 杰里米	Yes it is, because I'm a VIP. I'm very important. And I'm a teacher. A wise man. Not an opinionated dope, a naysayer sitting on the side of life, critisizing others, when all he can do is get a crappy gig down at a moron station. A man who lives with his mother.
Maurice 莫里斯	I'm between apartments.
Jeremy 杰里米	And I'm between mansions, buster. From helping people. Do you know how good how it feels to be me? Do you have any idea? Any idea at all how great it feels to wake up and realize you're a rich and talented and important person and in a waterbed with mirrors on the celing and more girls than you can imagine? And everytime I step outside the door, I can choose which car to drive, if I choose to drive. I have five chauffers.
Maurice 莫里斯	No, you haven't.
Jeremy 杰里米	Yes I have.
Jenny 珍妮	Sweep it under the carpet, that's my motto. HEHEHEHE!! If I can't see it, it's not there. EHEHEHEHE!!
Maurice 莫里斯	Look, I hate to burst your bubble here, but I know you live in a very small apartment overlooking the gas works. You ain't a big shot. You ain't even a medium shot. You're an asshole. A creepy jailbird who doesn't know the first---!
Jeremy 杰里米	[interrupting Maurice] Hey, I have a message. I can save lives. I'm a savior, my friend. I have a gift for communication, and this is how I get treated. I get insulted, I get paired with a pair of retards, a guy who's afraid of the sun, and a girl dosed up to the eyeballs on anti-depressents. Sweetheart, I can get you something much better.
Jenny 珍妮	These pills are very strong today. Maybe I took too much accidently. Oh well! Ehhehehe.
Jeremy 杰里米	This chick is out of her mind. I thought I was going to get to help people on the radio. To demonstrate my program. To help you, Chavez. Those people on the phones said you were a desperate, lonely man on the edge.
Maurice 莫里斯	LEAVE! LEAVE RIGHT NOW! Get out of my studio. Go get your own radio show. Go save some other people.
Jeremy 杰里米	Hey, I'm not leaving until I have the opportunity to save people, and sell some tapes. You can call right now and send in the money order. Soon, you can have a luxury condo and a waterbed, and a suit made in Singapore based on the latest Italian style.
Maurice 莫里斯	ENOUGH!! ENOUGH NOW, SHUT UP!
Jeremy 杰里米	Hey, vampire boy, I'll give you 20 bucks if you can put a hex on Chavez.
Smith 史密斯	[as Jenny's laughing]* Dark forces, I summon you to me, banish these weaklings and mental inferior ones from my presence. I had a lot of people e-mail me on this one. I don't remember most of them, but I didn't modify this section because I was a bit cautious on over modifying, as I did not write this section.
Maurice 莫里斯	SHUT UP!
Jeremy 杰里米	No, you little snotty-nosed prick.
Maurice 莫里斯	WHAT?!!
Jeremy 杰里米	You're shoes got lifts, buster, I can tell.
Maurice 莫里斯	Eh, LIFT THIS, HAIRSPRAY!! [sound of something hitting something]
Jeremy 杰里米	OW, MY NOSE!!
Jenny 珍妮	Daddy, stop bleeding!
Jeremy 杰里米	This costs a lot of money. I'll sue you into jail, asshole.
Jenny 珍妮	Stop fighting, please! I hate it when we fight! Can't we have a group hug?!
Smith 史密斯	Hit me, man. I LIKE IT!!
Jeremy 杰里米	Ow, my damn nose.
Maurice 莫里斯	AWW, stop crying, baby boy. Who you gonna tell, huh? Where's you're three-step program now? You think I'm a little wimp now? You want to be rude about Pressing Issues now, eh? You think you a tough guy from the gutter now, ah, my friend? You think you can screw with me? With Maurice Chavez? What you thinking, asshole?
Jeremy 杰里米	Ah, I'm sorry. Please don't hit me again. I, I love your show.
Maurice 莫里斯	Eh. Well, I think I understand this positive thinking. And that was Pressing Issues. I think we covered a lot of ground. We learned all about how to press the issue. And remember, if at first you don't get hurt, beat the guy very hard in the face with a paperweight. It just worked for me, and I feel like a million dollars. Let's tell you a little bit more about exactly how public radio is financed and quality programs like Pressing Issues come on the air. Don't go away.
Michelle 米歇尔	That was Pressing Issues, and this is Vice City Public Radio. We hope you're enjoying this show as much as you're about to enjoy listening to me and Jonathan Freeloader. JOHNATHAN: Hello, everybody.
Michelle 米歇尔	Hi, Jonathain. How are you?
Jonathan 乔纳森	Heartbroken, Michelle.
Michelle 米歇尔	Why, Jonathan, why?
Jonathan 乔纳森	Well, because it seems people just don't care anymore. I mean, where are people's priorities? We have campaigned tirelessly for Public Radio for litterly months now, and the station is still in trouble. But a man with a hygine problem puts on a pop concert, and suddenly everyone has money to hand over to starving kids they never even met. I think it's a disgrace.
Michelle 米歇尔	Yes. People are very shallow.
Jonathan 乔纳森	Like you?
Michelle 米歇尔	Exactly like me. But radio is much more important than food. I have a good mind not to let them back into Pressing Issues this time. You have to give us some money. It is a--it--it's a disaster. That's what it is. What's wrong with you people? Please. We're struggling to pay for our second homes here.
Jonathan 乔纳森	And I've only had three vacations this year.
Michelle 米歇尔	You poor, poor man. Let's get on with the show. Remember, call now. Please. We need your money. Urgently.

公共安全

Media:GTAVC_VCPR_Clip03.mp3	Public Safety. Click to play!
	关于公共安全的辩论，耗费流量约8MB

涉及到的角色: Maurice Chavez, Axex Shrub, Callum Crayshaw, John F. Hickory

台词列表
讲话者	台词
Maurice 莫里斯	Thanks guys! Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to Pressing Issues on VCPR. That's Vice City Public Radio. Radio which gives people exactly what they want: High quality educational programming about serious topics and the consistent reminder that this world is going to hell in a handbasket if you don't give us money. Remember, Vice City Public Radio is commercial free because it is funded entirely by donations by our listeners... and corporate sponsors. So, if you're enjoying the show, why not make a contribution? I am Maurice Chavez, and this is Pressing Issues. Pressing Issues is a roundtable discussion group in which we as self-important people exactly what they think about things and then they argue amongst themselves for a bit... Before leaving with views more extreme than when they came in. Only joking, ladies and gentlemen! This is a show founded on the ancient Greek principle of enlightened debate and the American principle of free speech. Or is that the ancient Greek priniciple of feeding wisemen hemlock and the American principle of being annoying (annoyed?) and loud so no one can get a word in? I forget. Only time will tell. Now, the subject that we are discussing right now on Pressing Issues with me, Maurice Chavez, for your enlightenment and enjoyment is a very serious one: Public Safety. In case you haven't noticed, Vice City is not a very safe place. These are troubled times. We are a troubled people. Some would say we are a people at war with ourselves. Other say we are at war with reality. Those who live in other countries and strive to own our fast food restaurants and Kwik-E-Marts would say we are a blood- thirsty bunch of crazies who let children buy guns from the super markets. Another opinion is that it is the fault of society. That, as Plato said, "People don't mean to kill each other." It happens because they are poor or desperate or really thirsty or in need of a vacation or something. Another view is that we are all a little confused and really should stay at home, locked in doors and forget about everything as quickly as possible. So, let's press the issue, eh?! Sitting at our panel right now, we have three divergent opinions. Three separate items of insanity in a rolling sea of stupidity. Three wisemen following very different stars. To my right, heh, to everyone's right in fact, we have congressman Alex Shrub; the youngest state congressman to ever be elected by Vice City and now a respected man in the capital. Mr. Shrub got elected because he has great hair and says things that make you nod your head. His campaign appealed to the wealthy because he set all of us at ease by confirming, "It's okay to be rich, as long as you say you care about the children." Mr. Shrub, welcome!
Alex 亚历克斯	That's not entirely true, Maurice. My campaign also appealed to the poor... who were too stupid to understand what I'm saying, so I held up pretty pictures and then I gave out candy bars to appeal to their most base insticts. Thanks Maurice. I'm glad to be given this opportunity to set the record straight.
Maurice 莫里斯	I haven't given you any opportunity yet, my heartless friend. Let me introduce my other guest first.
Alex 亚历克斯	I hope this isn't going to get personal. I love Vice City more than anyone, and I can proove it.
Maurice 莫里斯	Yes, that's coming from the man who got elected by calling his opponent a "buffalo butt" and a fat, hen-pecked wimp that couldn't fight his way out of a wet, paper bag. Anyway, our next guest is from the opposite end of the political spectrum. A man so wet, he looks like he just stepped out of the shower. Peace Corps activist, hippie concert taper, founder of the group "Speaking for the Underdog". He is fluent in seven languages and studied the harp in Peru: Callum Crayshaw.
Callum 卡勒姆	Hi Maurice! Hola. Buenos dias and noches. Bonjour and buongiorno. Wilkommen. Hallo, hello, hi!
Maurice 莫里斯	Uhhehehe... Let's stick to English. Most of us struggle enough with that. Welcome to Pressing Issues... And lastly, we have a man with a noble solution to the problems of public safety in Vice City. A solution so stupid, I cannot bring myself to explain it for him. Yet, like break dancing, it is sadly catching on. A man who appears on this fine show because our previous know-it-all panelist was car-jacked and is now at home arming himself to the teeth. I give you John F. Hickory.
John 约翰	How y'all doing!?
Maurice 莫里斯	Indeed. So, before we get started, gentlemen, let me remind you of the rules of engagement. Here on Pressing Issues, the number one rated show on public radio in the Vice City are and hosted by me, Maurice Chavez. Pressing Issues is about free speech, not feeding each other hemlock, literally or metaphorically.
John 约翰	My daddy used to grow that stuff in the back woods in Missouri. HOOOWEEE! I tell you what!
Maurice 莫里斯	Yes, thank you! I expect you to listen to each other and I will only step in when necessary only so people on the Earth don't forget what my voice sounds like, heh heh heh heh. So, I want a clean fight. Nothing below the belt on in the chops. And remember Maurice's moto, which a very wiseman, my father, once told me, "If you listen, one day you might be heard and when in doubt, use the smell test." That's so important I think. Don't you? So, congressman, let's start with you. Crime is up, people are scared to walk the streets, nobody is taking public transportation, police morale is at an all-time low, everyone is killing and maiming and giving each other the finger, metaphorically speaking. Do you think the government is doing a good job?
Alex 亚历克斯	Absolutely! Those statistics are interesting, but like all statistics, they are also irrelevant. Let me give you a better statistic, Chavez. In 1980, when I was elected and you were, according to the intelligence gathered on you, a man with no mission. You worked as a clown at birthday parties, corporate functions, bar mitzvahs, and go-go bars. You, realizing that you were a hollow man that can only take on the personality of others, decided to become an actor... And despite going up for 17 auditions that year, you only got work as a fluffer in a sex ed. video. Your tax returns show that you earn less than $2000. Suffering from anxiety, you attended a group therapy for a year and considered getting a sex change. An idiot liberal felt sorry for you and now you host your own radio show, write a newspaper column (that lines my bird cage), you got an ex-wife and an attractive girlfriend although she's married to your best friend, and you're on top of the world. So answer me this... Can you really say the years of living under my administration have been bad for you?
Maurice 莫里斯	Eh, eh. We are not talking about me. This is Pressing Issues, not Pressing Maurice.
Callum 卡勒姆	Yes, excuse me if I may. Can we get to the part where we press the issue?
Alex 亚历克斯	You see, that's what's wrong with this city. Liberals just want to open the floodgates, let anyone in, and make you, the ordinary hard- working men and women pay for the pleasure. Well, you have my permission to beat them with sticks. We won't prosecute. You'd be doing us all a favor! Free love, wig out, don't work, make love in the field, and listen to rock-n-roll or whatever you call it. Meanwhile, Crayshaw, I know your father. He's made a lot of money which makes him a great person, but for every good conservative they end up having some wacko, commie kid just back from a vacation in the orient who wants to share. Go take that sharing business to Cuba or Canada or somewhere. I don't have a trust fund or a rich daddy. I know what it is to be poor and to look at the world from the other side. I slept my way to the top.
John 约翰	Ehem, if you two would stop, uh, hootin' and carryin' on, I have a plan that will save Florida from the yellow-bellied snakes that want to slither into this great state from all places north.
Alex 亚历克斯	Oh, look. Stump-jumpin' Jethro is using all three of his brain cells to talk!
Maurice 莫里斯	Enough! We've just started and you have prooved yourself, Mr. Shrub, to be just as they said. I grant you, 1980 was not a high point in my career, but I never applied for a sex change. I was merely in an exploratory phase and besides which, Sal the Wheat-free clown was a funny act! Once voted the best upincoming dietary restrictive comic act in the whole of Vice City. I tried to take it to the Catskills, but Mount Scarylarge was full. Besides, we are not talking about me. We are talking about you.
Alex 亚历克斯	Actually, if I remember correctly, you didn't win. Mary the Meat- Free Mime won. In fact, under legislation I am proposing, all of you vegetarians will be kicked out of Vice City. We were given canines and bicuspids for a reason... To open packages of potato chips.
Maurice 莫里斯	Hey! Don't get wrong! I always hated that bitch! What's funny about a woman not eating a hamburger, or miming saving a chicken from the slaughterer's hands? ...Or her big act: "I Am a Milk Cow: A Lactating Machine For Your Breakfast Cereal"? How do you think a little kiddie enjoyed that on his birthday? Not very much. There were tears, not laughter, I can assure you. Vegetarian performance art must be stopped!
John 约翰	Jumpin' Jehoshaphat on a pogo stick! You city slickers got more issues than a newsstand! Can we talk about public safety here? I ain't got all day!
Maurice 莫里斯	What? Is there a corn-on-the-cob eating contest you have to get to? You have some chicklings and grits in the oven? You got a date with your sister, eh?
John 约翰	Hey, be nice man! I just want to talk a little politics and you made it all personal.
Maurice 莫里斯	Right, let's all stop bickering, especially you Shrub. I've got my eye on you. Public confidence is at an all-time low. Nobody feels safe anymore. Just the other night, I saw a man running amuck with a gun shouting he needed to defend himself. Gun sales are up, book sales are down. What do you think, John F. Hickory. Please, press the issue!
John 约翰	All right, that's better! Sticking to the matter at hand... Well, it's quite simple mister. Immigration is to blame. People are flooding into our state from all over America. Trash! It's quite simple. They're bringing their high-polluting, upity, out-of-state ways and corrputing the place. Ruin it! That's why I and my organization propose we take Florida out of the Union. We start anew as our own country and ban people from Missouri or Kentucky or Philadelphia or any of them facny places from settin' foot on our soil!
Alex 亚历克斯	You think what? Heh, have you been snortin' blocks? Have you read the Constitution?
John 约翰	Yeah, I sure have. It talks about freedom. Freedom for Florida from the stench of people movin' here to retire or going on vacation. Build your own damn theme park in your own damn state! Florida theme parks is for Florida people only! That's what I say. I mean, I don't go to Alabama to visit a theme park, so why do they come here?
Maurice 莫里斯	Mr. Hickory, your views are a little extreme. Plus, I don't believe there are theme parks in Alabama.
John 约翰	Then they should stop commin' down my way and build Redneck Land or whatever. Damn redneck hicks ain't got no class! My views ain't extreme, mister, they're common sense, and what a lot of people would say if they had the guts. If you let people immigrate here from all over the so-called "United States", guess what? There's no more room! We'll be piled on top of each other like they are in Australia. What we're going to do soon is build a river... A river of freedom. A river of hope. A river which runs from coast to coast that cuts us off from the 47 states of wastrels and bad influcences to the north. We are going to cut Florida off from the mainland of our oppressors and float out to sea. Then, the nation of Florida will be free to start over. There're be no long-ass lines at the Long Flume or Pirate Ship ride when I take over! You and the kids will be able to ride the rides all day! We will have a rollercoaster for each and every Florida family!
Maurice 莫里斯	You know, you're bordering on treason. What you are saying is a very naughty thing, and only because here on Pressing Issues do we believe so whole-heartedly in "free speech" are we allowing it.
John 约翰	It's the truth, my friend, the damn truth, and before you start I am not a racist. I hate everybody irrelevant of other issues, but I especially hate yankees! By which I mean anyone from Georgia or further north. Build your own theme parks, buy your own sun, grow your own damn mosquito-infested swamp, pal! We're going to build ourselves a river! FBI, CI- I don't give a damn! They can't stop us. You, Shrub! You yellow-bellied, tie-wearing, bribe-takin' hypocrit! What have you done for Vice City up there in Washington?
Alex 亚历克斯	I've ensured important tax breaks for gun retailers, real estate developers, and I've cut the cost of policing, saving the city 2%, or 25 cents per household, over a six year period.
Callum 卡勒姆	At the expense of society. Think of the little people. Poor people have no voice in this city. Every time I find a park to meditate in, someone brings in a bulldozer and builds condos. The madness must stop.
Alex 亚历克斯	So you suggest we just stop making babies? People need a place to park their boat and trailer and to put their swimming pool. You're beginning to sound red, and by that I mean you prefer a hammer and sickle over a hamburger.
Callum 卡勒姆	I'm not little. I'm 5'5". It's time for corporations and all of capitalism to step aside for naturalism. You're not saving this planet, you're spending it. Your credit is no good here. We can't afford to loan you anymore of our nature. Those are our trees. I only wish I could be around a little longer to enjoy it. I feel so old. Someone must take my legacy. I must train a little me!
Maurice 莫里斯	How old are you?
Callum 卡勒姆	I'm 23, but I feel much older, and wiser. I know everything. I've seen a lot of the world.
Alex 亚历克斯	What does the rest of the world have to tell us about how to do things? Build more trains? Have people elect their leader rather than an elite electoral college? Ride a bike to work like a girl scout or a clown with dietary concerns? No thanks, Vladmire.
John 约翰	I agree with that. People from other countries are good for nothing, that's why we have to keep teachin' them a lesson. I tell you what makes a real man. A truck to pull stuff and a couch to think on.
Callum 卡勒姆	I'll tell you. Speaking as a sensualist, and by this I mean a very narrow-minded, incentered (?) man of peace... Travel. I recently went to Europe. I think everyone should see it for a week. You really see what's wrong with this country when you visit a European utopia. Things like a journey, public transportation, health care, leather shorts, mustaches. When I went to Belize, I helped some villagers clear some land for an environmentally-friendly coal mine. We've all got to make some sacrifices if we're going to get anywhere. My dad gave me the money to set up an exciting trust there.
Maurice 莫里斯	But how does that help the people in Vice City from worrying about whether they are going to get robbed? What drives a man to just take?
Callum 卡勒姆	What we need are more after-school sports like choir or drama, so people can learn to express themselves properly, by singing or pretending to be a tree. Have you ever heard a whale sing? It's a lonely form of beauty and some very ancient wisdom. Helping people to help themselves with drama and choir and flowers and my dad's money.
Alex 亚历克斯	Listen Trust Fund Tommy, your ideas are pathetic. It's no wonder that mankind has woken up one day to find me in charge, amigo.
Maurice 莫里斯	Mr. Shrub, you got elected on a campaign promising to reduce taxes to zero... But under your stewardship, we've seen taxes go up by 20% and services decline!
Alex 亚历克斯	No on is interested in your statistics, Chavez. Let me tell you something pal, I'm better than that. I will not- I shall not, I cannot stoop to your level. They assured me that this was a show that understood politics, where we can debate mano-a-mano, and I find myself having statistics hurled at me like so much stale confetti. We cannot boil people down to numbers! You have no idea, my friend, what it takes to serve, the sacrifices I've made to help my country, to help Vice City. The complexity of government, the... the hideousness of my wife and... the way her thighs grow like our national debt. Oh oh, sure... Some people like that, but not me! It's a nightmare, my friend, and and and... it's thrown back at me by an ingrate like you. I can scarcely get up in the morning.
Maurice 莫里斯	...And with that outrageous revelation, let's take a quick break to tell you something very informative. You're listening to Pressing Issues on Vice City Public Radio. Over to you, Jonathan. [cuts to Jonathan and Michelle]
Jonathan 乔纳森	Hello, and welcome back. I'm Jonathan Freeloader and you're listening to VCPR. This portion of Pressing Issues is brought to you by Ammu-Nation, a proud supporter of public radio and our community. We hope you're enjoying Pressing Issues and the way it challenges your view of society. Unfortunately, public radio in Vice City is under pressure. That's because we're better than everyone! You can't hear this kind of hard-hitting, long drawn-out programing anywhere else... But, you have to give money.
Michelle 米歇尔	That's right, Jonathan. Money is important. It can be exchanged for goods and services, like getting a hip replacement or funding a starving child in Australia.
Jonathan 乔纳森	I feel all covered with flies right now! Call us. Pledge your money. Give 10% of your income. That's all we ask, and for that you know everyone can be educated on the important things we discuss on VCPR!
Michelle 米歇尔	10% is a really small amount. I remember when I was volunteering in Central America, to make myself appear less shallow, the native peoples would give you 10% of their land for a pair of mirrored sunglasses, and they would run around me saying, "Chicle! Chicle!", which is Espanol for "pretty woman". It was very spiritual, like waves!
Jonathan 乔纳森	Absolutely! But remember... This radio station could disappear. The voice of unprofitable radio could be silenced. One day you wake up, roll over, and she's gone! You go into the kitchen, there's a note sprawled, a sound of a taxi leaving in the distance, a thunderstorm rolls in... It's a metaphor for my haircut, or this pledge drive.
Michelle 米歇尔	Yes, the pledge drive. Become a member. Only members, or people with radios, can listen to this radio station. Now, back to Pressing Issues.
Jonathan 乔纳森	Shouldn't we give out the phone number?
Michelle 米歇尔	Like I tell the children at the library I volunteer at: "Look it up yourself", "No, you can't go to the bathroom", and "Stop crying!"
Jonathan 乔纳森	That's good advice. Now, back to Pressing Issues. [cuts back to Pressing Issues]
Maurice 莫里斯	Welcome back to Pressing Issues with me, Maurice Chavez. On our panel, we've got the successionist lunatic, John F. Hickory; Liberal rich kid, Callum Crayshaw; and Neo Facist congressman, Alex Shrub. Gentleman, welcome back. Let's start with you, Mr. Hickory. Why the F?
John 约翰	For "Florida"! I'm a patriot! I've even got an orange grove tattooed all over my groin!
Maurice 莫里斯	Excellent, but back to the matter at hand: Public safety. How do we get guns under control in this city?
Callum 卡勒姆	By giving everyone hope... A dream of a better tomorrow. By encouraging people to grow their own root vegetables. What's the satisfaction of holding a gun in your hand when you could be holding a ho, planting seeds in a peasent village?
Alex 亚历克斯	Keep your "hoes" and "seeds" to yourself. We don't need gun control. If you read the Constitution, it's a sacred document that should not be changed. Under our constitution women couldn't vote, but the liberals come in crying crocodile tears. We need to get scare- mongers and non-believers, men like you Chavez, under control. I've got a good mind to get your funding removed.
Maurice 莫里斯	We don't get any funding.
Alex 亚历克斯	Exactly. But... Good! Heh, you won't see a penny out of me! You've got to stop spreading these lies or I'll whip you myself and I'm not afraid. The Constitution inserts a man's right to bear arms, and... and arm bears, and all points in between. Who ever heard of a gun... or a bear causing problems? This is all cockypop, or... whatever that word is. It keeps the place safe. Trouble is caused by unemployment, and unemployment comes from poor, economic performance and lazy people. If you had job, would you steal a car? Of course not! ...And if you had a high-rise condo, a mistress, uh... and a seat on the board, would you run around graffitiing your name all over town and making a nuisance of yourself, spinning on your back, and poppin' and lockin' and... Not a hope. It's simple. If you don't have a job, starve. Get out of my constituency by force if necessary, and starve.
Maurice 莫里斯	That's quite simple. Are you really saying that?
Alex 亚历克斯	Of course I am. Vice City is a growing city, and of course there are going to be some growing pains. Well, what I tell people is this: Gather up your life savings, buy yourself a piece of swamp, drain it, and get rid of the damn wildlife, then apply for planning permission. Pretty soon, you can have your own retirement community or resort destination holiday place. You can start making money out of the boom, the... Shrub-inspired boom... And enjoy the kind of things sensible people have: Personal bodyguards, massive fences, and a bigger collection of guns than the other guy. It stands the reason.
John 约翰	No no no no! Keep them out of here! We DO NOT want anymore old folks! If there are any old people listening, go back to your homes! Florida does not want you! Please, die somewhere else! What's wrong with Nevada or Kansas? We want a river! We need a river! The freedom river.
Maurice 莫里斯	...And what about the other crimes? It seems car crime, fashion crime, drugs, everything is on the rise.
Callum 卡勒姆	Absolutely, of course it is! When I was in Uganda people were poor, but they were happy. The more you have, the less you have. That's kind of what I'm all about. Their satisfaction in spendning all day weaving a basket, rather than just buying one at the store. At one point in Uganda, I saw a great lake of sand and a massive speaking dog. It was a dog of love, not of hate. It was a spirit journey.
Maurice 莫里斯	What ARE you talking about?!?!
Callum 卡勒姆	I'm talking about hopes... Dreams... The magic of television. Especially public television. Puppets can say what men cannot.
Maurice 莫里斯	Yes, but how will that stop people taking baseball bats and pounding the living crap out of each other as I saw at a mother's PTA group meeting recently?
Alex 亚历克斯	Baseball is our national sport- Our national passtime. Joining together as men to reward the act of running around in a circle. I will thank you not to take its name in vain, Chavez.
John 约翰	I hate that Spring Training. Who do those guys think they are? Comin' here and gettin' in the way... Showin' us no respect! Drinkin' our orange juice and seducin' our womenfolk! Train in your own home, mister! Our national game down here, my friend, is diggin'! Diggin' a big ditch. A ditch of hope, which will flood into a river of freedom. So far, we've dug 17 feet. We're almost free... Almost! When we are floatin' away in the Caribbean Sea, free to run our way, singing, "Kumbaya!!" (don't remember how to spell it) in the sun! No school, no tax! Free barbeque and pinball for everyone! Sophisticated entertainment!
Maurice 莫里斯	Yes, but what about the little guy? What about the guy who is standing there saying, "I like being part of America. I like it a lot! I get public radio! I can hear Maurice Chavez! I own a small, one bedroom home... A business selling flowers to people stuck in traffic... Three or four radios, all turned on to VCPR... A dog... 15 ice cubes... But I don't feel safe. I'm worried about gangs."
Alex 亚历克斯	Gangs are a myth put out by the liberal elite to patronize and demean the working man. I mean, what kind of right-minded youth from a poor background is going to spend his time stealing things and posing in silly clothes, when he could be getting ahead with a minimum wage job and making his parent proud? The dream of America is to live in a duplex and share a yard. Why... Why would anyone want to threaten that great future? Answer me that and I'll show you a green dog.
Callum 卡勒姆	...And, Speaking for the Underdog, the foundation I set up for my trust fund... We believe gangs are a valid expression of a people's identity. A grouping... A community within a community. Gangs are a way to be noticed in the boxy suburbs. You scream out, rather than urinate at the edge of your camp like a proud native. We spray paint our names on the walls at the mall to ward off predators.
Maurice 莫里斯	...And that's supposed to terrify people?
Callum 卡勒姆	No, no! We believe passionately in non-violent solutions to life's problems. Gangs have to learn to love... To be inclusionary. We'd award badges to good gangs, and give bad gangs a silly hat to wear. It would give people something to feel a part of. Kill with kindness, not a garden tool.
Maurice 莫里斯	Yes, but what about the guy getting beaten up on the street... or the man having his motorcycle stolen? What about him?
Callum 卡勒姆	...Or her! Some of the best bikers are really women. Anyone can join our group. This is about poor people getting together.
Maurice 莫里斯	...But your father owns half of Florida. How are you part of the working class?
Callum 卡勒姆	Like I said, possessions are not important at all. I'll pick up a hitchhiker in my convertible any day. The other day, I picked up a young woman and we discussed a non-violent solution to war. We called it peace.
Alex 亚历克斯	Your father is a great man. He's done more for the arms trade in this state than anyone else, myself included, and you shame him with this socialist jiggery-pokery-hoot-nanny. America needs hope, not songs or are supposed to send food to the poor. Songs will get you nowhere. This country needs something to aim for, like being rich and laughing at poor people... Or, being in government and laughing at the electorate.
Maurice 莫里斯	Now, now Mr. Shrub. Let's not make this personal. I appreciate your attempt to press the point, but we are here to press the issue! Vice City is in trouble, and I think we are not really providing any serious solution. So far, we've got successionism, rearing it's ugly head for the first time in a century and a half. We've got "ignore it" and we've got "give everyone a flower"! You're all a little unrealistic, yes? [all begin arguing incoherently]
Callum 卡勒姆	Maurice!
Maurice 莫里斯	Not to say, "Over-opinionated and moronic," Mr. Crayshaw, how do we stop people running amock in the city with machine guns and heavy artilery?
Callum 卡勒姆	You got to give a man a chance. Prisons are overflowing with wasted potential. Make the guilty men innocent once more. Free them from themselves.
Maurice 莫里斯	How... How on Earth do you do that?
Callum 卡勒姆	Well, um... [brief pause] You can let them off-
Maurice 莫里斯	Marvelous, great! That's a sensible plan!
Callum 卡勒姆	Then they wouldn't be guilty anymore!
Alex 亚历克斯	We've been doing that for years, you idiot. How do you think we keep prison costs down? It ain't by magic or cookin' the books (we say that for "education"), but as in most things we in government are saving money so that you don't have to. When we spend less money on services, more goes to administration salaries and expenses which helps make lives a lot less difficult for everybody. It's about sharing; Sharing your taxes out amongst the select few. That's why I worked so hard at school, so I can reap the rewards now.
Maurice 莫里斯	Mmm... I thought you worked hard at school because the other kids laughed at you and called you a square.
Alex 亚历克斯	Tha-That's a damn lie! They called me wet fart.
Callum 卡勒姆	They called me "The Bat" because my voice didn't break until I was 19.
Maurice 莫里斯	So, Mr. Shrub, I take it you don't believe in regulation.
Alex 亚历克斯	I believe in giving people a chance. Not tying them down with lots of needless regulations. The fact is business is run by moral people who won't do anything illegal or try to get rich quickly.
Maurice 莫里斯	...But since you got elected, Vice City has been characterized by a government who cut aid to the poor, offered tax breaks to the rich, and paid people to dump toxic waste near schools.
Alex 亚历克斯	Yes, we've made a lot of progress!
Maurice 莫里斯	...And up on Capital Hill, you were instrumental in pushing through a bill allowing the manufacture and sale of "Giggle Cream", a dessert with potential lethal consequences.
Alex 亚历克斯	Uh... Not true! Only 23 people have died and several of them probably deserved it.
Maurice 莫里斯	So, with people being set such a bad example by big business, how are they supposed to respect each other, to act safely in society, and how are they policed by a demoralized and under-funded police force.
Alex 亚历克斯	Well... I'm afraid that's apparently quite a difficult question, but my solution is easy. I'm going to talk for a long time about a subject not in anyway related and pretty soon people will forget about it. I'll remind people that I have a great haircut, and under my stewardship Vice City has had, on average, 15% better weather than before, while crime rates only go up if you don't turn the graph upside down. Turn it upside down, and they have halved- HALVED under me, Alex Shrub. Vote Shrub for president and you'll have a friendly face in the White House. A man you can trust. A local man who likes golf, and laughing, and photo opportunities at your store or place of business. Just send me a letter. I'll send you an automated, photocopied response. We call it "democracy" and that's where the money goes.
Maurice 莫里斯	Uh, just a minute-
Alex 亚历克斯	Don't interrupt! Let me finish.
Maurice 莫里斯	But you're not-
Alex 亚历克斯	This man won't let me speak! You, shorty! Shut up and let me speak! I'm taller than him, ladies and gentlemen, by at least three inches, which means I'm a lot more respectable looking. Everyone knows politicians lie and steal and cheat, but at least with me in charge, you know I look good and I have a very supercilious manner. Besides which, I've been abroad and I prefer it here because I'm a man of the people. Vote Shrub! You'll get richer and you won't feel guilty about it!
Maurice 莫里斯	Enough! We're running out of time and you completely failed to answer the question.
Alex 亚历克斯	I'm a professional. That's my job.
Maurice 莫里斯	[sighs] ...And Mr. Hickory, what about you?
John 约翰	Alright! These problems are typical of what happens with an open border to the north. The state is filling up with trash; People who can't tell the difference between a swamp and a marsh. Guys who don't the first thing about the legality of marrying within the family. That's why we need a river. People, I'm telling you pick up your spades, go into your garden. Start diggin' as deep and as far as you can. Pretty soon, the whole state will be flooded in ruin, and then, they'll have to leave. We must build a moat to the north or they will come down and ruin this great state.
Maurice 莫里斯	...And Mr. Hickory, were you born in Florida?
John 约翰	Tuhah! What a stuipd question! Of all the cheek!
Maurice 莫里斯	Were you?
John 约翰	Of course not! No one's been born in Florida since 1877! BUT...! I've been here five years which is a very long time.
Maurice 莫里斯	Yes it is! A very long time. Almost as long as this show. Ladies and Gentlemen, you are listening to Pressing Issues with me, Maurice Chavez. Presiding over the least informed debate on the radio. I this episode of pressing the issue, we had Alex Shrub, Callum Crayshaw, and John "Florida" Hickory discussing safety. I've guess you've all got to make up your own minds. Should we be as wet as fish, or a corrupt, money-grabbing thief? Gentlemen, I feel we really got somewhere, and that Vice City and people everywhere know a lot more than they did before we began. And now, over to Jonathan and Melissa to talk to you about public radio in your area. [cuts to Jonathan and Michelle]
Michelle 米歇尔	You're listening to VCRP, the radio station for disoriented and unrealistic college professors who wear fuzzy sweaters and find everything terribly interesting. I'm Michelle Montanius.
Jonathan 乔纳森	...And I'm Jonathan Freeloader! Public radio is very important. You may have heard my recent hour long story about my hike in the park.
Michelle 米歇尔	That was fascinating, and very important for everyone, even the blind. Play a selection, Jonathan. [footsteps are heard]
Jonathan 乔纳森	I think this is the part where I came to the big tree.
Michelle 米歇尔	I almost felt like I was there. You won't get this kind of nauseating detail on commercial radio. VCPR is 100% commercial free. Absolutely nothing interrupts your enjoyment of our fine programing and ability to tackle the important things like Jonathan's walk in the park, but we need you. Think of yourself as a member of this station, except you aren't allowed in the doors. That's an important metaphor for life.
Jonathan 乔纳森	Yes, how wonderful would it be to own an hour of this radio station! We just got an enormous pledge from Farewell Ranch. That's great! Farewell Ranch is a great place to take your loved one. Just dial 866-9-BURYME. Remember, VCPR is commercial and interest free. Donate your money now! Let's get back to Pressing Issues. {Continued in the next segment}